guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
