my being single is dangerous.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Randomize
