I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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