Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
Randomize
