I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
Randomize
