He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Randomize
