You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
Randomize
