I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
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