it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
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