Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
Randomize
