I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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