he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
Randomize
