"it" just moved
i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
