I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
