he told me I talked like a deaf person
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
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