Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize
