you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
