If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
Randomize
