I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
Randomize
