I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
Randomize
