well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
Randomize
