wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
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So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
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