You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
Randomize
