i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
