I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Randomize
