I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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