Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
Randomize
