Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
They have beer where we have blood.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
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