Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Randomize
