Its about making memories worth repressing
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
