Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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