it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
