apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Randomize
