ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Randomize