We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Randomize
