My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
