Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
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