I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
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