He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
Randomize
