he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
