Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
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