My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
Randomize
