meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
