he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
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