I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
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