Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
