she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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