Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
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