I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
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