just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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