you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
Randomize
