I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Randomize
