so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Randomize
