you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
