i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
Randomize
