the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
