so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
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