Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
