So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
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