I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
Did you just see the Batmobile???
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
Randomize
