May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
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