i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
Randomize
