Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
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