Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
Randomize