Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
Just invented taco cereal.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Randomize
