I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
