Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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