he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
tell me about the eggs
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