i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize
