my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
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