Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
I faked an abortion last night.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
Randomize
