last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
Randomize
