A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
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