Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
Randomize
