so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
Randomize
