the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
I party with great urgency now.
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