Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
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