using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Randomize