Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize
