just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
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