new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
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