Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
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