carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
You are the jesus of drinking
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
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