it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
