she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
NoShamevember. You game?
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
